Navigating the Monastic Life: Challenges and Rewards in the Buddhist Tradition

I'd like to share some ideas on Buddhist monasticism, its challenges, its rewards, and a little bit about my experience spending nine years as a Buddhist monk.

Some of you who are newer to me or my work might not know that I was a Buddhist monk for a pretty sizable chunk of my life. Once people find out, I often get asked a lot of questions about what it was like, as it's something so foreign in our modern culture. So few of us outside of Asian Buddhist cultures get to experience monasticism. There's also a lot of “Hollywood” ideas of what a Buddhist monk is and I didn't find too many of those to be true.

So, I thought to share some of my experience here. As most of you are non-monastics I would also like to share some takeaways from my experaience as a monk that are applicable and helpful to householder/lay practitioners. Obviously, now I'm not a monk anymore; I returned my monastic vows in 2017. But there’s a lot I learned during my time as a monk that still applies to my everyday life.

When I get asked what it was like being a monk, the short answer is, it was a lot like being in a long-term relationship. A long-term romantic relationship in the sense that there's a lot of ebb and flow, ups and downs, communication challenges, lifestyle challenges, and all kinds of relational stuff to navigate through each day.

Of course, as a monk, I didn't have a romantic partner to navigate it with, but it was like being married to myself, as I took a vow of celibacy. This is one of the vows we pledge to as a Buddhist monastic, and this vow of is incredibly powerful because, as humans, as soon as we say no to something, it's like we see that thing everywhere! As soon as we put up a boundary, automatically, we are challenged by wanting to break that boundary.

So I think that's kind of what I meant by the “Hollywood” version of the peaceful, serene monk. There’s an emphasis on perfection or appearing like a saint. Definitely, that was not me! In general, I just really wanted to use monasticism as a way to grow as a Buddhist practitioner. So what I found initially was that whatever emotional or psychological challenge I was going through, it just became that much more front and center, as I was by myself a majority of the time.

I was also in retreat a lot, which was another real reward or benefit. I got to spend a lot of time alone in isolated natural settings, focusing on practice. Of course this sounds really peaceful, but actually, for me, it was very intense a lot of the time because I was alone, stuck with my thoughts and emotions.

Not all monks or nuns get to experience solitary retreat, as in Tibetan Buddhism, monastics usually go to a monastery where they enter a study program, not unlike a bachelor, graduate, or doctorate kind of situation. After completing their studies some might enter more formal retreat, but most will continue to stay in the monastery.

The most significant lesson I learned from my experience as a Buddhist monastic was that growth comes from facing challenges and confronting my ingrained habits and beliefs. Through Buddhist monasticism, I was able to confront the uncomfortable parts of myself that I usually would have just  avoided.

This is not just about taking on new beliefs, but more about compassionately facing judgments and beliefs. Through this confrontation, we grow. By being a monk, I was able to face my own mind and habits. Even though the mind rebels, working through resistance offers so much growth. Overall, my experience as a Buddhist monk was incredibly valuable and helped me to grow and develop in ways I couldn’t have done without it.

Even though we do not need to deliberately seek out uncomfortable situation, if we meditate enough, we'll naturally hit parts of ourselves that are uncomfortable. I want to advise all of you to lean into this gently and reframe it as a good thing. Whether we are Buddhist monks or not, when we meditate and adhere to principles of ethical conduct, like householder precepts in Buddhism, these are powerful because they provide boundaries and outlines for leading wholesome lives.

These ethical principles are not about dogma or rules, but about training in mindful awareness. When we try to keep these principles, like not harming others, we may sometimes get angry or feel frustrated, but because we have the vow not to harm, we'll think twice. This sets up a boundary for our internal compass to refine against.

For me, when I'm in that moment of refining, it can be uncomfortable, but when I reflect on it, I love it. It's such a beautiful part of the Dharma because when we take it non-dogmatically, our mindful awareness and loving kindness and compassion begin to grow, and we can grow a healthier relationship with reality and develop the wisdom to cut through our suffering and delusion. This all happens because of mindful awareness. So, the Buddha gifted us with principles and vows to help us navigate and refine against what's coming up, whether we are monastics or not.