On Generosity, Openness, and Deep Listening

I'd like to begin with a quote from the renowned Buddhist teacher Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, which has profoundly influenced my exploration of generosity in various aspects of my life. The quote reads: "You have to be wholly involved in the process of giving. You have to become one with what you are doing, no matter how small the thing is in terms of value. One must be fully involved in the giving so that a part of one's ego is also given away."

The latter part of the quote is particularly impactful for me, highlighting two key themes. First is the importance of being fully engaged, dedicated to the act of giving, whether directed towards others, ourselves, or the spirit of generosity itself. According to Trungpa Rinpoche, our involvement must be so complete, with heart and being fully invested, that a portion of our ego is relinquished in the process.

While "ego" is a Western term, modern Buddhist teachers sometimes use it to describe the self-enclosure we construct and nurture throughout our days, hours, weeks, and lifetimes. From a Buddhist standpoint, a self-enclosure disconnected from those around us, focused solely on our desires, attachments, and aversions, leads us away from genuine happiness. This is a fundamental premise in Buddhist philosophy – more self equates to more problems and less happiness. It's a challenging issue, explaining the existence of entire paths of practice, study, and diverse lineages within Buddhism. Clinging to self, with a focus on personal gain or a belief that it's "all about me," is a powerful, almost primal habit. From the Buddhist perspective, it's the primary habit causing pain, suffering, dissatisfaction, and dis-ease.

Generosity, as a practice, holds the potential to alleviate ego clinging. By being generous, our relationship with self-interest and self-absorption shifts. First, there's a need for an understanding that we desire this shift. We must comprehend how self-absorption limits us, ultimately leading to dissatisfaction. 

Leaving this discussion here, I'll now turn to the other part of the quote – being fully involved. This involves practicing the spirit of generosity with our entire being, encompassing our thoughts, physical and verbal actions, emotional intentions, and, of course, our engagement with the recipient of our generosity. It means fully engaging with our entire sense of being.

So, for me, there are two approaches to working with this quote. One involves recognizing the detrimental impact of our self-enclosure, understanding how it harms us. Subsequently, we integrate generosity and a spirit of openness into our daily lives, fostering an attitude of receptivity to others and the world around us. This approach prompts us to acknowledge the harm inflicted by our self-enclosure and actively counter it with a more open and generous mindset.

The other approach entails wholeheartedly embracing a sense of generosity and openness, setting aside biases and striving to understand the perspectives and needs of others. Engaging in this manner leads to a reduction in self-cherishing, consequently diminishing our own suffering.

What is meant by "openness"? Buddha Dharma offers various interpretations. It can be viewed as a spirit of generosity, a state of non-bias or non-judgment, or a feeling of spaciousness that reduces the barriers between ourselves and others. While practicing openness, discernment is not abandoned; instead, it is incorporated. As we engage in this practice, the judgmental biases that limit us gradually fade away, revealing their role in causing us pain. Openness, therefore, combines discernment with wisdom about what is beneficial or detrimental, fostering a sense of ease and reducing self-absorption.

From this perspective, we simultaneously work on both generosity and aiding others while experiencing an increase in our own happiness. The 14th Dalai Lama terms this "intelligent" or "smart" compassion, acknowledging the connection between self-interest and the expansion towards the world and the needs of others. 

Another crucial component is deep listening. In my practice of the spirit of generosity, whether leading to openness or arising from it, deep listening plays a pivotal role. The term "deep" extends beyond listening with just our ears; it encompasses listening with our bodies, hearts, and other senses, including our eyes. This practice involves staying open to the world and others, driven by curiosity and a genuine desire to understand their needs.

I recommend trying this approach in small, manageable ways throughout your day. There's no need to dive into challenging situations or relationships immediately. Begin by practicing generosity in simple actions, starting with things that you can easily do. If material generosity is more accessible for you, start there. Give something to someone who genuinely needs it, guided by the process of deep listening to discern their actual needs. It might not necessarily be a material item; it could be your time, energy, or assistance with a task they are struggling with.

These opportunities for generosity and deep listening often arise in our daily interactions, such as at work, with family, or among friends. I advocate for a local approach, emphasizing practicing generosity consciously in your immediate surroundings. Reflect on actions you may already be doing to help others, be it a family member, friend, or coworker. Become consciously aware of these actions and open your heart to a sense of love and warmth towards the individuals involved. Embrace the idea of involving yourself fully in those moments, aligning with the spirit of the earlier quote.

This practice also involves meditative awareness, requiring us to be fully present. Stay aware and present, with an open heart and discerning mind. Allow yourself to fully immerse in the moment of generosity and observe its impact on you, in contrast to more constrained actions where you feel obligated. If you engage in meditation, experiment with the openness that arises from it – a mind less burdened by incessant thoughts and to-do lists, more at ease. Embrace and rest in that ease.

Throughout your day, blend these elements – rest in ease, foster openness, and actively practice the spirit of generosity. You can do this directly in your interactions or, as I recommend, incorporate it into your meditation practice. Visualization exercises or simply cultivating a mindset of being open to others can be effective even when alone in a room. Open your heart and be prepared to meet whatever situation or person comes your way.

In conclusion, this is a practice I want to underscore. If it feels challenging initially, start small, make it manageable, and bite-sized. Lowering the bar initially builds confidence. Remember, setting a low bar doesn't mean keeping it low forever – there's room for growth.