Cultivating Equanimity and Understanding in a Challenging World
A listener of my podcast raised a thought-provoking question: Can we truly practice equanimity when faced with the world's multitude of problems? Or, phrased differently, how can we maintain equanimity towards all beings when some deliberately harm and exploit others for personal gain?
This is a truly valuable inquiry, as such challenges inevitably arise on our spiritual journey. To me, these struggles aren't obstacles, but rather opportunities for growth. Consider my own experiences; during meditation, Dharma reflection, or deep study, questions will emerge, some challenging my beliefs, perspectives, or even stirring strong emotional reactions. It's precisely at these moments that we must persevere in our practice, not to blindly solidify beliefs, but to open ourselves to further inquiry, delving deeper into our cherished perspectives.
Herein lies the true strength of the traditional Buddhist path. It offers a unique lens through which to perceive reality, allowing us to view our thoughts, emotions, and identities with fresh eyes, paving the path towards a more peaceful and truthful existence. But it also empowers us to see what truly lies beneath our human condition, to delve into the uncomfortable realities we often shy away from, as described in the first Noble Truth.
Now, some may find this confusing, wondering why we seemingly focus on addressing uncomfortable and painful experiences. Let me clarify: it's not about glorifying pain or suffering. Rather, it's our natural tendency to avoid discomfort, seeking only pleasurable or comfortable experiences. This avoidance blinds us to the nature of our own pain, dissatisfaction, and suffering, as well as those of others. It's a form of distraction, hindering our path towards truth.
Therefore, understanding the first Noble Truth, the truth of dukkha or suffering, offers a valuable context for practicing equanimity. It becomes a tool for comprehending the nature of human suffering, seeking not only to alleviate it but also to awaken to the underlying causes. This, in essence, is how we can describe the Dharma's purpose. Equanimity practice itself serves this purpose, and when grounded in this context, it fundamentally alters the way we approach and understand it.
This is how I view the situation, but perhaps it would be helpful for me to share some insights on what equanimity practice actually entails…
Now, delving into equanimity practice itself, various approaches exist. Today, I'll focus on how it relates to the "four boundless states," also known as the "four immeasurables" or "four divine abodes," teachings attributed to the Buddha. While there are slight variations between Theravada and Mahayana traditions regarding these states, I won't delve into those differences here. However, it's important to acknowledge that my approach aligns more with the Mahayana and Tibetan Buddhist traditions for this discussion.
These four boundless states – boundless equanimity, boundless loving-kindness, boundless compassion, and boundless joy – are meant to be cultivated as a unified whole. However, within Tibetan Buddhist practice, we typically prioritize equanimity first. Why? It's akin to creating a "clean slate" in our relationships with others. This involves examining and addressing our inherent biases, where we favor certain individuals and distance ourselves from others. There's even a third category – those towards whom we feel indifferent or perhaps even apathetic.
Equanimity practice essentially involves uncovering these biases by examining our habits, behaviors, ideas, and beliefs regarding those around us. Importantly, this introspection extends to our relationship with ourselves, our thoughts, and emotions as well. It's not solely about how we perceive others; it's about recognizing the different ways we relate to ourselves and the world.
There are three key types of relationships to explore:
Attachment and Preference: This is where we have a strong "liking" towards certain individuals. We favor them, wishing them well due to their actions on our behalf, their agreeable nature, or perhaps simply finding them enjoyable companions.
Dislike and Distance: This category encompasses those we dislike or those who've done something we strongly disagree with. This often creates a negative bias, leading us to distance ourselves from such individuals, perhaps judging them as less worthy than those we favor.
Indifference and Apathy: This often represents the majority of our interactions. These are individuals who fall into the "stranger" category – those with whom we have no strong connection, neither positive nor negative feelings. Most of our daily interactions likely fall into this category. While we might extend empathy and compassion when tragedy befalls a stranger, our response would typically be less intense compared to someone we deeply like or dislike.
The core purpose of equanimity practice is to expose these underlying biases, to create awareness of how our preferences and prejudices shape our interactions and perceptions.
While I've embraced Buddhist teachings and practices, I certainly experience challenges and discomfort. The Dharma isn't a magic wand that guarantees a problem-free life. Yet, it encourages me to view these difficulties as opportunities for growth. Instead of immediately tackling the most overwhelming issues, I start with smaller things. Even observing my reactions to seemingly trivial discomforts becomes a learning experience.
Remember, equanimity practice necessitates embracing discomfort. True growth rarely occurs within comfort zones. As we age, life presents new challenges, even if we achieve material comfort. Aging brings wisdom and acceptance of life's difficulties, something harder to grasp in youth.
When I began studying Buddhism at 20, some teachings felt challenging to relate to. Yet, persevering through meditation, reflection, and Dharma study helped them resonate deeply. Equanimity, alongside broader Buddhist teachings, has profoundly influenced my approach to life's challenges as I age. While life isn't perfect, the Dharma has equipped me with a constructive perspective and tools to navigate its struggles.
Equanimity involves deliberately reflecting on our relationships with others – those we like, dislike, and those we feel indifferent towards. We often react automatically, catering to those we like, avoiding those we dislike, and remaining apathetic towards the indifferent. Equanimity helps us become aware of these reactions and delve deeper into their origins.
This question led me to consider why we might struggle to remain compassion towards individuals who cause harm. My answer isn't about achieving neutrality but about becoming aware of our reactions and relationships with these diverse groups. Through equanimity practice, we strive to deepen our understanding of everyone, both for our personal growth and to cultivate boundless loving-kindness and compassion towards others.
Taking an interest in others can be as simple as observing them or asking questions, not necessarily interrogating them. We can ask ourselves why someone behaves the way they do, what experiences shaped them, or what goals they seek to achieve through their actions. Sometimes, even observing someone's body language with genuine interest can help us understand their emotional state and motivations.
We often practice this with those close to us to improve communication and deepen empathy. Equanimity helps us extend this practice to everyone, fostering understanding and reducing the biases that create distance and division. Ultimately, it helps us see the common threads of human experience, the shared desire for happiness and peace, even if pursued through misguided means.
The question I received centered on how to maintain neutrality towards individuals who cause harm in the world. My answer emphasizes the importance of awareness and understanding rather than neutrality. We actively engage with our reactions and relationships towards various types of people: those we like, dislike, and remain indifferent to. Equanimity practice encourages us to delve deeper into their motivations and experiences.
This introspection is crucial for cultivating boundless loving-kindness and compassion, both within our meditation practice and daily lives. Taking an interest in others, whether through observation or thoughtful questioning, helps us understand their perspectives. We might ask ourselves:
Why does this person behave this way?
What experiences shaped them?
What goals do they seek to achieve through their actions?
Sometimes, simply observing someone's body language with genuine interest can offer insights into their emotional state and motives. We often practice this active listening and empathy building with close relationships. Equanimity, however, encourages us to extend this same approach to everyone, fostering understanding and reducing the barriers created by our biases.
Ultimately, this deeper understanding helps us recognize the common threads of human experience. Regardless of the methods they employ, everyone desires happiness and peace. We have a natural tendency to resist discomfort and seek peace, sometimes unconsciously guiding our own behavior. Examining our own lives can reveal this underlying motivation.
Remember, I don't present these ideas as indisputable truths, but rather reflections based on my personal experiences and observations. While their relevance may differ for you, I believe that understanding others can open a path towards recognizing that even those who inflict harm ultimately seek peace. This doesn't condone their actions, but instead allows us to see beyond simplistic good-versus-evil labels. This broader perspective allows us to approach even harmful individuals with understanding and potentially explore avenues for positive change.
Now, expanding on the idea of understanding underlying motivations, even for dislikable individuals or groups. Their core desire, like everyone else's, is fundamentally human: seeking happiness and peace. However, their actions may be demonstrably harmful, and there must be consequences for that. This is crucial to acknowledge, so we don't misinterpret this approach as condoning harmful behavior.
There's a risk in simplifying situations into good versus evil categories. This approach can demean our own ethics, ourselves, and even those we oppose. It creates an "other" category that feels irredeemable, deserving only destruction. But the truth is, even perpetrators share the basic human desires for happiness and peace, albeit with misguided approaches or confused means.
Equanimity practice helps us see this, leading to several benefits:
Reduced Aggression and Passion: Understanding our own biases and preferences, including aggression and anger (seen as significant sources of suffering in Buddhism), empowers us to address them and find inner peace.
More Skillful Means: This inner peace translates into more skillful ways to engage with others in the world. Adding aggression to an already aggressive situation only fuels the cycle. We witness this dynamic play out in tribalism, politics, and various forms of conflict.
Compassionate Action: The Dharmic approach prioritizes understanding our own biases and preferences (clinging, indifference, aggression) to cultivate a more peaceful, open, and compassionate heart. This wisdom informs the "skillful means" we employ to address challenges in the world.
This shift in perspective, challenging the good/evil duality, opens new avenues for finding solutions and engaging with others. While I acknowledge the inherent challenge in applying these ideas in real-world situations, especially around consequences for harmful actions, I hope these reflections offer a valuable perspective.
The complex questions remain: What forms do appropriate consequences for harm take? Can restorative justice offer healing and transformation? How can we create systems that uphold both compassion and accountability? While I don't offer definitive answers – that's beyond my scope – I believe the journey begins within.
When our internal world shifts, the external world can transform in unimaginable ways. We inhabit different worlds based on our perspectives, beliefs, and reactions. From a Buddhist perspective, our world starts here, shaped by our internal landscape. If we don't address these internal factors, expecting external change becomes unrealistic. Reflecting on this, consider how much effort we dedicate to changing things outside ourselves.
This doesn't negate the need for laws and consequences – they serve a temporary purpose. But on a societal level, how do we envision interacting with each other? How do we cultivate deeper wisdom and collaboration? By moving beyond good/evil labels, we unlock the potential for true collaboration.
