On Compassion and “Getting Comfortable with the Uncomfortable”
One of the core aspects of meditation practice is developing a relationship with space, as space is within and all around us. Space can take on many different forms, such as being felt, seen, reflected on, and ultimately lived. The start, and a part of the inner space we develop in meditation practice, is to allow life to happen while not losing our footing or ground.
Groundedness allows us to root into the earth, to not be as swayed by the inevitable storms that come, and most importantly, to meet others with compassion from within our inner spaciousness.
I don't know about you, but when I get really worked up or anxious, I notice a lot of ungroundedness in my body. One form anxiety can take is this habit of coming out of myself (my body) to meet the world around me, rather than being rooted and allowing the world to meet me. This can sometimes even express itself physically, like edging forward in my chair or hunching my shoulders – some kind of physical somatic move to fix or change the situation. Internally, there's a certain kind of grasping or clinging that heavily resists the reality that’s in front of me.
This is not a healthy form of communication for me, as it doesn’t allow me to truly meet the person or situation in front of me. At the same time, it doesn't allow movement and change to take place, and most importantly, it doesn't permit compassion to arise when needed because fear has taken over. So, over the years, and slowly, I have developed a practice of what I call “getting comfortable with the uncomfortable.” It’s been life-changing.
I'm a big fan of "think global, start local." For a meditator, starting local means starting in the body with our sensations, emotions, and our own thought and habit patterns. Here, I'll say something that may not be popular in the meditation world, though I see it gaining traction – unless we're willing to be with discomfort (both our own and others), it's very difficult to make progress in any genuine meditation practice. We have to be willing to meet some discomfort.
Sometimes when I recommend this idea to meditators, they try to tackle the most challenging experience they are going through. I don’t advise starting with what’s most uncomfortable. Instead, I recommend starting with something workable, almost inconsequential. Maybe the room you are sitting in is a bit too warm or cold, and you can work with your reaction to that. Within awareness, can you notice your reactions – can you work with allowing your experience to be as it is?
If we put this into practice, we can discover a magical thing – our reactions are not written in stone! Everything is changing and shifting all the time. Part of developing compassion is nurturing a recognition and softening around the changes within and around us.
This is where meditation (driven by compassion) has so much potential for human freedom and joy. In Buddhism, compassion is a principle/practice that allows us to awaken to interconnection and genuine freedom through all aspects of life, including what is uncomfortable. Why? Because discomfort is inevitable. If we ignore it, it’s as if we are cutting off an enormous amount of energy and wisdom that can develop through bearing witness to the fullness of life.
I've found that pretty much every area where I get stuck is usually related to some form of resistance. Part of “acting local” is being open. On broader levels, that means being open to others we might not agree with or being curious about others. But I would say we first have to start within our own bodies and minds, being curious about what's arising within us. It’s a humble yet courageous step.
