Opening the Heart Also Means Healing the Heart

I've noticed in my life, meditation practice, and path of healing that when I’m struggling and suffering, it becomes difficult to open my heart towards others. It feels more conceptual, and sometimes I just feel closed and blocked.

I'm sure my experience is not unique, and there are probably some of you out there who struggle with the same thing. So, I wanted to share this because I consider these two things as the same thing. It's not just about developing more loving-kindness and compassion towards others, but also about understanding and healing the wounds of our heart as well. 

These wounds can manifest as a sense of hollowness, not enoughness, unlovability, or seeking validation from others. These issues are prevalent in our society, and anxiety levels are skyrocketing because of it.

Despite these wounds being prevalent, we still have communities where we care about each other. This shows how vital compassion, warmth, and love are to the human spirit. Even seeking relief from our own woundedness is a form of care. 

Unfortunately, self-care can sometimes exacerbate the problem if we become too self-preoccupied and obsessed with it, leading to an endless succession of self-help techniques that are ultimately trying to fill a void that can never be satiated.

I believe that this is a problem of connectivity, a disconnect from our own emotional bodies, and a lack of acceptance of imperfection in our emotional reactions and thoughts. This disconnection also affects our outward perception, leading to excessive judgment and a sense that everything is stacked against us.

One practice that has helped me in this process is “handshaking,” which combines Tibetan teachings and somatic practices from Western psychology. It is a simple practice of welcoming, being with, and allowing our emotions, sensations, and energies to be as they are.

This practice of “handshaking” allows us to reconnect with traditional practices in Buddhism, such as developing boundless loving-kindness and compassion. Sometimes, there are blocks because we don't feel lovable. Recognizing the lovability of ourselves and all beings helps us reconnect and develop a sense of organic care and warmth. It is a felt experience, not just a concept.

I want to emphasize that there are many other modalities that can help with this issue. However, the predicament must be recognized, as wellness techniques alone can sometimes further our sense of hollowness if pursued with misguided intentions. It's not about perfecting ourselves but recognizing that we are beyond perfection or imperfection. This recognition must be experiential, as through directly experiencing and embodying our basic okayness we can truly heal and reconnect.