When Everything Feels Like a Problem That Needs To Be Solved
In a recent mentoring session I was talking with a mentee about their struggles with overwhelm and anxiety. We were digging into some inquiry work around the role that their lifestyle choices, behaviors, and relationship to meditation may be playing. A few minutes into our inquiry work they paused and said “Scott, I feel like everything is a problem that needs to be solved.” The air became thick for a moment as we both took in the weight of their insight.
Their insight resonated deeply with me as I also go through periods where it can feel like a small problem is a big problem, or this sense that everything is a battle to be fought. This kind of anxiety and fear tends to immediately take me out of the moment and into more ruminating thoughts and emotional pain.
They continued to describe a feeling of pervasive anxiety or perceived threat, sometimes stemming from even menial or simple tasks. Projects at work, shopping for groceries, even washing the dishes all became a threat or problem that needed to be tackled or solved. As we explored more they noticed that this was a state of mind that kept their body in constant overwhelm, and they wanted to understand what was going on and how to remedy it.
Their struggles reminded me a lot of my own experience while living in New York City. It was a busier time in my life and a constant struggle to stay grounded and connected to a regulated nervous system. I started experimenting with different embodied awareness practices during this time and took note of what worked and what didn’t.
My commute from Brooklyn into Manhattan usually involved a series of precise moves. I would start out walking from my apartment to the closest Citi Bike station. Then I would speed away and try not to get hit by any cars as I raced to the subway. Once on the subway platform I would wait for the train. Once on the train I would have to transfer to another train. Arriving at my final subway stop I would then have a short walk to wherever I was guiding or teaching meditation that day. It sometimes felt like I was a character in a video game fighting through levels as I made my way to work. Looking back, the whole thing was pretty intense!
So in order to understand my nervous system and cultivate my meditation off of the cushion, I developed points within my commute to remember to drop into the body and feel. Those moments of mindfulness I now incorporate into a practice I call “Taking a Step Back.”
This means taking 10, 15, or 20 seconds to:
Drop into the body
Acknowledge what’s arising (feeling, not intellectualizing it)
Asking an open question such as: “Is this really the problem I’m perceiving it to be.”
Practice “being” with the feeling in the body (again, not intellectualizing it)
So I would engage these four steps (or something like it) at the bike rack, then at the subway platform, then again once on the subway, again stepping off the subway, etc. and all the way until I arrived at my destination.
These short moments of embodied awareness eventually started to blend together, and I noticed that after a few weeks it really made a difference in my day and how I lived in what can be a very overwhelming city! After some practice I was able to access more grounding in my nervous system on most days of my commute.
My mentee also started to notice a positive shift in their daily life from implementing these four steps. Over time they’ve become more aware of how certain patterns of behavior and clinging to temporary identities throughout the day can exacerbate and solidify a perceived threat. They also began to notice that they had other choices in how they wanted to relate to a given situation. Everything didn’t (and doesn’t) need to be viewed or held onto as a problem or threat.
